Partners Who Podcast
Five strategies for working with your romantic partner
When I went into production on the second season of my podcast, Other Men Need Help, I brought on one of the best producers I know: my girlfriend, Caitlin Mae Burke. Yes, I realize I have a bit of a bias, but looking at her portfolio, she’s a tremendous talent. So there, hiring decision justified.
While in production, we moved in together, took on new full-time jobs, and began working on a seven-episode season that was highly sourced from our personal lives .
And somehow, we didn’t murder each other in the process.
There are a lot of reasons that romantic partners might make a podcast together: Maybe it’s because these productions don’t have a lot of money. Maybe it’s because these productions are personal in execution (and often, in content). Maybe your creative collaboration is a natural extension of your romantic collaboration. Or, maybe it’s the nature of an inherently intimate medium that, well, the production side becomes a family affair.
So, dearest readers, I speak to you as much I’m speaking to myself. Here are five tips for making a podcast with your romantic partner without ruining the relationship.
1. Just because you share the bills, doesn’t mean their labor is free.
Just because you share electricity bills with your producer, a producer who’s often very nice about treating you to banh mi sandwiches on their way home from work, does not mean you can treat their production labor as a given. Work out an arrangement early: Who is doing what? What is the financial arrangement? What is expectation of time commitment? Make sure you respect the boundaries you set, and check in regularly about how the arrangement is working. Respect their time, and show them that you appreciate all they contribute.
2. Fancy Friday night dinner should not always be Friday night production dinner.
Ok, who am I kidding about Fancy Friday — Fridays are usually pizza and a long couch plop with Bob’s Burgers. But you know what? That’s a lovely quiet time that my partner and I have. And you need that, too. Do not let the podcast sneak into all the lovely, quiet moments you and your partner need for connecting. If you have production notes to discuss, find the appropriate time to schedule a meeting with your producer; tonight it’s your smoochaboo that you’re spending time with.
3. Remember when you’re arguing with your producer versus the person who forgot to call the electric company.
Once, in the middle of a heated production argument, Caitlin said, “I want you to pause and ask yourself whether you’d be using this same tone with a colleague?” Man, she was right. Yes, arguments and discussions among team members are very normal, but be careful to talk to your partner like you’d talk to other professional colleagues. And do not bring relationship issues into the meeting. Separate, separate, separate your feelings. Are you reacting to the structural feedback on episode two, or are you pissed because somehow you’re paying double what you expected on this month’s electricity bill?
4. Sit separately in meetings.
Be careful not to project alliances or bias with your team. Very simply, make it a practice to sit in different arrangements during meetings so it doesn’t feel like romantic partners versus the team. Keep it professional, for everyone’s sake.
5. If you mention it in bed in the morning, make sure everyone else gets that message too.
I am in the very fortunate position of having my producer a few feet from me when I’m home. Many times, I’ve gotten out of the shower with toothbrush in mouth, garbling, “I have this great idea!” We proceed to make some quick decisions on the future of this next episode, and then we get dressed and leave for the day and forget to tell the rest of the team that isn’t sleeping in bed with us. Make it your impulse to formalize all conversations, even if your producer is watering the plants five feet away from you. Take notes when there are ideas and discussion points for the production. Add it to a meeting agenda, message the group, or choose a meeting time with your plant-loving producer to discuss an action plan for notifying other team members. (But don’t stop having ideas or brushing your teeth.)
Now that you have a plan, map out some times to meet with your producer and to spend time with your partner. Actually, take your producer/partner out for dinner. You both deserve it. Just don’t talk about work.
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